Chapter 24 is coming, Sorry I havent updated in a while, me and carl are getting back to work.

Time for a BEEEEEEEG TWEEEEST IN TEH STOREH.

i do not allow you to use my character anymore, because its a modeling of me.

but by all means, keep writing, just without my character in it.

just say that character have take different route and will meet again someday or never again :3

By the way, it is intresting story

why thx shella, But Imma put a hold on this for a while at chapter 25 and start short stories.

The strange way the writer uses caps and punctuation makes reading rather frustrating, but I'm just gonna try and ignore that since it's clearly irrelevant for the content...

... which is incredibly succinct in every possible way. The writer takes the reader to no account whatsoever, and only writes the story for himself. The descriptions, what little there are, sound more like in-game notes in shorthand than any attempt at creating an impression of a hectic and desperate situation. The "story" moves at an incredible speed, and never mind if the reader manages to follow. The writer is just drunk with his flamboyant day dreams to give a crap. As long as there's a new gun or gadget to serve as a penis extension for every chapter AT LEAST, he's happy.

There is no clear style, the text liberally combines "script", "report" and alliteration of "some guys playing a zombie FPS and shouting at each other", which gives off the impression that either this text is an ingenious allegory of the world today, or the writer is a highschool dropout who hasn't done anything except play zombie games in his parents' basement since then. Pick whichever seems more likely to you.

Characters aren't fleshed out at any point, and receive no backgrounds or even physical descriptions, they have no defining characteristics or personalities of any kind, and indeed, it is difficult to say where one character ends and the other begins, as dialogue is difficult to follow when it is all written in one paragraph and the quotation marks are sprinkled on the top clearly for decoration purposes only. Perhaps the writer knew all along what's going on, and just refused to let us in on the secret, but my guess is that he was just as lost as the reader is around the beginning of the third "chapter".

Plot-wise, it's just as bad. While I'm perfectly happy to read a realistic survivor account with little flair to it, I can barely keep my lunch down as I analyze this. It's nothing but a bunch of rogue soldiers and the contingent hot chick riding around in a sandbox, blasting zombies away. If that's your idea of fun, I suggest you save your precious brain cells from certain doom and watch your friends play one of those HILARIOUS L4D games instead.

Apart from all that, all the typical internet Shakespeare mistakes are there: incomplete sentences, typos, redundancy, and the vocabulary of an elementary school kid. Whenever there's an expression that's attempts to survive the incoming hordes of unedited text, it is something so overused and bland that I could swear it's copypasted.
This work of fiction is a model example of ridiculously bad amateur short story, without falling to the bear pit of being so bad that it's actually good like so many of its contemporaries. Classic! I beg of you, JJBenson, don't write anything before science finds a cure for your condition!

EDIT: After reading the thread, I have decided to not feel sorry if my review makes anyone feel like their manhood is threatened. JJBenson clearly has an attitude problem.

^Mmmm thank you, Trust me, i tried to rewrite almost everything after chap 10, it was so much worse i just couldnt change the story, sadly xD

I did notice that it got a tad better toward the end. You must really care for this person, to be so nice to them...
I just don't understand all these positive comments. Then again, none of them goes into much detail. More like a quick pat on the head before returning to browsing.

Non of them goes into detail because its really hard to find positive sides in the story.

And i wasnt nice towards him, i was nice towards the forums(he was the stereotypical american troll)

If he was a troll in the sense that I define it, he was the biggest, most no-life troll I've seen in a while. I will just assume that the word "troll" refers to his level of intellect rather than his internet habits.

Also, every time I see your post somewhere on these forums, Don't Stop Me Now starts playing in my head. Thanks a bunch. <- sarcasm
Nah, I'm just kidding, I love that movie and I love that song.

He wasnt necessarily stupid, just ignorant, very very ignorant

I know my avatar is awesome, thank you

more plz and keep it up!!